Friday, February 1, 2013

They'd Noticed




"The light is fading..."

"Don't worry, we'll find him."

"But what if he's hurt? Or lost?"

"Don't even think it. Kevin's a smart boy, I'm sure he's fine."

"I hope you're right..."

"Keeeeeeeevviiiiiiiinnnnnnn...!"


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This was written for the Trifextra Challenge for this weekend :)

It's the other side of the story from the previous entry, He Did.

For the weekend prompt we're asking for exactly 33 words of dialogue.

23 comments:

  1. Ohh,this is so scary for any parent !Loved the way you weaved hope in the dialogue-hope the Dad's(?)confidence in Kevin's smartness proves right & they find him,safe & sound.This is fabulous, Dawn & it won't surprise me at all if you place this time:-)

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  2. your dialogue was perfect - brought me right into the moment

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  3. Oh God... I know the lost kid feeling. You really captured it - well done!

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  4. I like this continuation, but I hope they find each other again!

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    1. Thank you - only time will tell! If they do, they'll have found something else, too

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  5. it's that moment just before the finding - when all hope is (seems to be) lost . . . THAT moment that kills the parent. Nicely done.

    I PROMISE - I am not a robot.

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    1. Yeah...I'm happy you picked up on the desperation vibe in the ...! I put in there. Thank you :)

      Oh? Is the Prove Your Not a Bot thing over the top ? I'll check it out, see if I can lower the security level :) It's at default, whatever that is.

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    2. There, no more word verification required :)

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  6. My heart is frozen in the hopes that they find him... I really hope they do.

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  7. A horrible thing to go through. Very real.

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  8. Wow - well done in just 33 words! Love the way you've told the story from both sides.

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  9. The lost child is the worst feeling....my desperation turns to panic pretty quickly. (It's happened a couple times and boy do I get mad when they wander back to me with a 'geez, you're so uptight' attitude!)

    I hope Kevin wanders back and they get to hug away the fright and anger.

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  10. Wonderfully written. 33 words are a bit hard for me. This is fantastic!

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  11. Just the right amount of anxiety tempered with reassurance. Well done.

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  12. Ugh. Every mama's worst nightmare.

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  13. Oh man, Dawn... That was a chilling dialog. In fact it was a jolt... my 3year daughter was lost on Stinson Beach once for hours. This brought that all back. Well done.

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